Overdue Visit
Posted on Tue Jan 1st, 2019 @ 8:41am by Staff Warrant Officer Jennifer Masters - Calhoun & Lieutenant Amelia Zano Psy.D.
Edited on on Wed Jan 2nd, 2019 @ 8:20am
2,430 words; about a 12 minute read
Mission:
Episode 5 - It Would Be Their Pleasure
Location: Counselors Office
Timeline: MD001 1830 hrs
Jenn woke up all sweaty. She put her face in her hands. She stopped counting how many times she woke up to that horrible same nightmare. Green mist surrounding her as she tried to reach the shuttle. And then she watched the Pioneer explode near a Borg cube.
"Computer, lights!" The lights turn on and she climbed out of bed. She splashed her face with some cool water in the bathroom and then looked at her face in the mirror. She was plagued by nightmares for several nights now. She wasn't sure how to deal with that, it wasn't effecting her work, but she wasn't sleeping that well and she was growing tired. Maybe it was a good idea to go see a counselor about it.
She wasn't really one for tact so about 30 minutes later she found herself standing in front of the counselors office pressing the door chime.
Amelia had been keeping herself busy since the return back to her own timeline. She was one whom was also struggling coming to terms with what happened. Her office had fielded a lot of people suffering from memory problems, some unable to separate what happened from reality now. In some respects she was lucky she was an El Aurian, her species were built for that type of mess.
She was passing by the edge of her desk, cup of tea in hand, when her doorbell chimed. She got a small fright, the cup jumping slightly and she placed her free hand on her chest as a reaction.
Turning to the door she took a breath, "Come in please."
Jenn walked in to the room and stopped. It was almost like she caught the counselor in the middle of something. Or she was just overwhelmed by all the work she been having lately. "If this is not a good time I can come back later," She said. She wasn't really looking forward to talking to a shrink. Ever since she returned to Starfleet she was told to go see one, but she had been holding it off. And with all that has been happening she wouldn't have to either.
Amelia smiled, "No not at all Miss Masters, I just got a fright from the doorbell." she said with a little shrug of her shoulders. "Please come in, I've always got time for anyone who wants it, especially those in the intelligence and command fields. So much on your shoulders past, present and future. Come in and make yourself comfortable." She gestured to the room, not specifying where she was to sit, that was her choice where she felt more at ease.
The room was warmly decorated, light but not too bright and the temperature was kept at a level setting for most to feel comfortable in there. People had a choice of couch, chair, hell there was even a bean bag on the ground if they were so inclined.
Jenn looked around. This was the first time she ever went to a psychiatrist of any kind. She sat down on a chair. "Thank you!" She said. "I really never done this before, how does this work exactly?"
Amelia moved across the room also and sat across from Jenn, this was always the case to show there were no barriers in the way when they spoke. Something that was always crucial to counselling practices.
Smiling at the woman's question she placed her cup down on the table next to her chair. "Firstly I would like to offer you a drink, if you'd like one? Then we can start... I want you to feel comfortable here so anything you need to do, or want to do, I'm happy to offer."
She would get to that burning question in a moment but it purely depended on what Jenn was here for. She had heard of some people struggling to adjust to what had happened, she herself was one of them, but she couldn't afford to be presumptuous and even still it could be something completely different. Only time would tell but she wanted to make the woman feel at ease here, able to open up if she wanted too and not feel pressured into anything she didn't want to do.
Jenn thought a moment. "I'd like a hot chocolate with whip cream please." She tried to adjust herself on the chair. She then got up and sat down on the couch. She tried the couch a bit and then took the mug of chocolate from the counselor. "Thank you," She held the mug in both hands. She let the heat warm her hands. She then looked to the counselor. "I have not seen a counselor before now. I never thought I needed one. There is so much, I don't even know where to begin." She grinned.
Amelia noticed the change of seating that Jennifer was doing. At least she was making use of all the parts of her office. "You don't need to think of me as a Counsellor if you don't want too. You can just think of me as someone who will listen to you with no judgement and no preconceived ideas about anything you will tell me." she said with a smile as she sat down across from her but at an angle so to appear open and receiving.
"Why don't you tell me what first comes to your mind? If there is so much you want to talk about then the most important to you will be the first thing you think of."
Jenn gazed in to her mug as she thought about what to say next. She tapped her nails on the mug and then she said, "I have a sister, a twin sister. Her name is Linda. Lieutenant Linda Masters. She is a helms officer on the USS Saigon. Before that the USS Siberia. She is married and recently had a baby. I've always been jealous of her. She finished the academy, made a career for herself. A family. I didn't have all that. I've always been a rebel, left the academy in my final year. I hacked myself a living selling information." She sighed and then continued, "Until one morning I woke up in a strange bed, next to a strange me, and a strange girl was jumping up and down on the bed. While a baby was crying in the other room." She laughed and shook her head. "Even though I was jealous of her, I never fancied that life. I am happy where I am at. But now I am back, I miss it." She took a sip from her hot chocolate. "I escaped, those children...." She bit her lip trying to hold back realizing she killed a family.
Amelia nodded every so often whilst Jennifer talked and tried to take all the information in. There was A LOT to let go in one swift blow. "Well Jennifer we'll start with what you mentioned first, your sister and her career..." It was the most logical as it was first mentioned.
"You say that you are jealous that she 'made a career for herself' but what makes you think that you haven't?" She asked. "Here you sit, 28 years of age, a Warrant Officer and in charge of the ships Intelligence Department. Are you not happy with what you've done to get to this point in your career?" Amelia further asked to try and get Jenn's feelings on the subject.
"I was jealous, yes. Of course I am happy. I never thought I would be coming to where I am now. But I was the one that walked out of the Academy. I did some things in my life that I am not proud off." Jenn tried to regain again, trying to get to her point. "I just never thought about if I could be a mom. Or even be here. I know now of course..."
Amelia was noticing that even though Jennifer mentioned her sister, her sister's career in truth she was using that as a cushion. Something to overshadow the feelings she was having about her experience in the alternate universe. She'd been a mother, and to have lost that life never knowing you wanted it could be a difficult thing to overcome.
She was in mourning.
"I'm sorry to hear what leaving that alternate experience has been like for you." Amelia said with genuine sadness in her voice. Not many remembered their experiences from the crew but there were some who had flashes, memories of the experience that would never leave them. "How did you feel when you were there? With the children? What were their names? If you remember..."
Amelia asked these questions to try and remind Jennifer how warm she felt, how good that time was so that she would associate the alternate time positively, as if a glimpse into what she could have in this universe. After all who's to say what happened to it, it's possible the old Jennifer moved back in and life continued, but for now she would keep that to herself and see what the response would be.
Jenn had to think back, she didn't spend much time with the children. She did as much as she could, but she also gladly brought them to the day care. "I believe the oldest child, a girl, her name was Gwen. Gwendolyn, but her parents called her Gwen. I believe Jonathan Frasier, my other self's husband, named her after his sister. Apparently she died during a training. The boy was named after his father. Mortimer or Morty for short. He was just a baby. Maybe 7 or 8 months old."
She chuckled, "He was quite the sentiment. When I came back I looked him up. But Jonathan Frasier is a marine in this timeline. A Major. And also very different from the one in the other timeline. Just like I am different here. I don't have the memories of my counter part anymore, but I still remember being there with him and with the children. Well mostly with the children. I kept him at arms length. And I don't even want to pursue a relationship with any Jonathan Frasier in any timeline. But there is one in this timeline I would want to pursue. We have gotten back together recently and I realized just then how much I missed him."
"I can see how uncomfortable suddenly having a husband or partner can be, especially when you don't really know them but it is good that you've gotten back together with someone here. Shows good emotional resilience." Amelia began. "To have something real here and now after the experiences we went through must be of great comfort. Something familiar and it's funny how time apart can lead to better relationships with those we love when they are rekindled."
"I am just worried," Jenn continued, "Worried that he might keep me at a distance now that I have been promoted." She scoffed a little. "The promotion. I accepted of course, ever since I left the academy I never thought I would get such an opportunity. Brig Officer DiLucca said I was given a second chance. God I miss her. I could talk with her about a lot of things. I never had a friend like her."
Amelia smiled, "I wouldn't worry about the promotion. If you have rekindled your relationship as of recently then I'd wager it's not important to them. All they want is to be with you, leave your pips at the door." she said with a warm smile. "As for someone to talk to my door is always open. I know friends can be hard to come by on a small ship but maybe venturing out more, doing more social activities you may find someone else you feel like you can open up with. What about your partner? Can you talk to them as freely as you would DiLucca?" she asked.
"Yes, I would. He is great. I can turn to him with a lot of things." She smiled as she pictured Billy in her mind. She then laughed a little. "I just don't know if everyone is so happy to see us in this relationship. Especially since I am now his superior officer."
"Well what other people think does not matter." Amelia said leaning forward. "All that matters is what you think, how you feel with each other and that you are happy. The rest should fall away to the side. After all you are only his superior whilst on duty and when you are both off shift then you both are as equal as people can be. You look happy when you mention him, I see your whole body lift which is great. To find someone you connect with, someone you can talk too about all the details and problems you may have is special."
Jenn smiled. "That was my opinion when I got on this ship. You know, I will be sticking to it again. I really like him, and I never felt like this with anyone before. And I don't think I want to throw that over board for what others might expect from me."
"Well think of the questions should he suddenly disappear." Amelia said joking a little. "I imagine those in the intelligence department have ways of making such happen without a trace so I will stay on your good side." She said with a smile.
Jenn laughed, "I don't think Billy is a guy that will get himself disappeared that easily. And well, they could, as we know how a crime scene investigation works. We can find evidence, but we can also just as easy make it disappear."
"Of that I have no doubt." Amelia said with a smile in reply. "I think that's about enough today, I don't want to put you through too much in one session and we have all the 'time' in the world to talk if you still want too?" she half asked. She had another appointment that was due in soon and she liked to leave a window for people to come in without seeing each other, for privacy sake.
"Thank you, in any case. Will see you next time," Jenn said smiling as she got up walked out of the room.
A Joint Post By
Lieutenant Amelia Zano PsyD
Chief Counselor, USS Pioneer
Warrant Officer Jennifer Masters
Chief Intelligence Officer, USS Pioneer
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