Admittance: One Carjoran Part I
Posted on Mon Jun 26th, 2023 @ 11:43am by Lieutenant Vura
Edited on on Wed Jun 28th, 2023 @ 9:05pm
0 words; about a 1 minute read
Mission:
Episode 14 - The Poseidon Adventure
Location: Fusion Asian Bistro - Poseidon Station
Timeline: MD013 1800 hrs
There was one more restaurant that Paisley wanted to check out before they left the Station. It was an old Earth "asian-fusion" restaurant, and she was excited. She'd always enjoyed that kind of food-the tastes, textures, and spices were interesting. It even included South Asian dishes, like Korma and curries.
After the session they'd had regarding the TERRIBLE things that that idiot man had said to her, she needed CARBS. After her session in the gym, where she'd beat the shit out of a punching bag, she showered, and dressed. She was wearing a sparkly pink dress with a bow across the bust, a matching sparkly hair clip, too much makeup, and pink mules. It was a bit more "girly" than most people expected of her. She didn't care. Did she ever? She just wore whatever tickled her at the moment, and this did. She sidled into the restaurant and found a booth while waiting for her friend. At least she was feeling better than she had earlier, and had stopped her crying jag. What a weird thing to have hit her.
Paisley and food were becoming synonymous in Vura's language. The best part about the food was that Paisley always seemed to find the most unique places to eat. However, Vura had to wonder why she was spending her last moments on Poseidon Station with her rather than her paramours.
Of course, Vura did not mind. In fact, she was quite pleased to have such a good friend that wanted to spend time with her. However, she had to wonder about the holes that Paisley was potentially leaving herself.
Nonetheless, Vura slipped into a form fitting black leather that clung tightly to all of her curves. The dress had a semi-transparent mesh lantern sleeves. With the dress, she wore black leather sandals with a three inch heel. Her toes, fingers, and lips were all painted a ruby red. Three gold bracelets hung off her left arm with a white gold bracelet sandwiched between two yellow gold ones. Gold studs were at the top of her ears while diamond pendants hung from her ear lobes.
Slipping into her seat across from Paisely, Vura gave her friend a playful wink and said, "Hello Paisley. Are we ready to dine?"
Paisley looked up and smiled. "Hi, you look good, as usual," she said. How did Vura do it? Was it the sum total of her Deltan heritage? Was it effort?? She didn't know. "I am ready if you are," she said. "We need to quit meeting like this. You're probably thinking I starve myself until you're free. Quite the opposite is true, I promise," she said. A waiter appeared to take their drink order. "I'll have a ginger beer, and a regular beer," she said. As soon as Vura placed her drink order, Paisley started in.
"Thanks for meeting me. Lalia and Kiruna both had other plans tonight; they were going to a birthday party for a station crew mate I don't know, and I wasn't invited along," she explained. "Naxen and I have said our peace," she said. It was true. Her and the Bajoran had decided to not put a label on anything, and to see if they saw each other again-if they did, it was meant to be. If not, no harm, no foul. "And I needed a bit of food NOT from the replicator in my quarters after the day I had," she sighed. The drinks appeared, and she swigged the beer first, before taking a longer drag on her ginger ale. "How was the rest of your day? I heard a rumor that you're getting a trainee. That's gotta be exciting," she said, leaning forward slightly.
"So, you're not going to get to say an in-person goodbye to Lalia and Kiruna?" Vura asked sympathetically. "And yes, I've received an aide," Vura responded neutrally. "I suppose it would be helpful but I'm not fully certain how to integrate one. I've long done so much on my own...."
Paisley nodded. "I mean. I kind of already have, but according to my schedule, we're not actually undocking until late afternoon, so I'll have time to say my goodbyes. I've been practicing," she said. Then, she nodded. "Well. At any rate, it should go better than it did for ME," she said, wryly. Adding another Engineer had been a disaster. "Don't think too hard about it. Just let it flow naturally," she advised, with a nod of her head. Paisley operated (almost) solely on logic while on the job, and the same should be said of ANY department. "That's what I try to do, anyway, as Assistant Department Chief," she made a face. She HATED the title. She wasn't fit. She wasn't ready. She was only 24 and needed a few more years of sowing her oats before she got serious about her career. She had a few more years for that, right?! She still felt like a little kid sometimes. Probably because she didn't have a regular childhood. "What's she like? Another boring human like...what's her name? Zahara?" They needed a few more interesting people. An Orion on staff would be fun!! The thought gave her glee.
Vura started laughing. “You look like you swallowed something sour, Paisley! Certainly being an assistant chief can’t be that bad! I’m sure I’d you did not want the title, someone else could take it. Perhaps, Ensign Turner?” She teased. “As to Zhara, what’s your interest in her?” Vura asked interested. “Her counseling techniques are almost Deltan. You should like her,” Vura responded with a small giggle. “Sophia is a well behaved therapy dog, too.”
She shrugged noncommittally. "She's the one who told Turner to lie about his girlfriend, I am convinced," she said. "I saw her with him in the Lounge. They appeared a little more than "friendly," she said, with a shrug. "But I don't care, as I said. And if he wants the position, he can HAVE it, and I can go back to fucking around," she said. "Besides, someone like that is much more suited to it. By the book, all the stupid rules, and hungry for Command. I am none of those things. Not that I am not serious, and I like my job, I just...have other things I think about. A three dimensional person," she said. "But as we discussed this morning, it no longer matters. He's gone, and I am here, and it is what it is." She sighed deeply. "I appreciate if we'd change the subject to something else. I wonder what kind of mission will happen next? LAST time we ended R&R, we got in a deep-space fight with some Breen." She had onboarded during the very end of that skirmish-something she'd rather forget. "HOPEFULLY it'll be calm for a bit, and we can rendezvous with Empok Tor; apparently, we're going to Garrison a new vessel and serve as backup. Should be fun; at least, it'll keep me busy. Too busy to think about...Romulans." She gave Vura a sly smile.
"Now wait a moment, Paisley," Vura replied in a disappointed tone. In a stern voice, she told Paisley, "We're not changing subjects this time." Her voice, while remaining stern was soft. "I do not believe that Zhara would tell anyone to lie about anything. That's a pretty strong statement and if you have some proof about that sort of thing, I would definitely want to hear it. And what makes you think that Zhara has interest in Mr. Turner? And if she does, why are you concerned?" She looked at her friend and continued, "Are you sure that you're not interested in Mr. Turner? You're practically obsessed with him and all that he's doing, and that's not healthy." Her eyes became laser focused on her friend.
Paisley's first inclination was to leave. That would be rude; they'd only just started. Her second was to distract herself with something else. She tried that, picking up her beer and sipping it. How could she change the subject?! She looked around a moment, wishing she'd asked for some bread or something to be brought out immediately. Who knew that Vura would go straight for the gut punch from jump?! "OMG, look!! It's the Bolian who vomited! Remember, I told you?" She pointed across the room, but tried not to be obvious. She KNEW that Vura wouldn't let this drop, but she was equally determined to not answer the question.
Vura simply stared at her friend, refusing to look anywhere else. One of her painted red nails started to tap on the table, simply waiting for Paisley to get it all out of her system before the counselor directed Paisley back to her statements and questions.
She looked back at Vura, and set her glass down. She let out a long suffering sigh. She was beat. Damn it. How'd she let that happen?! She thought a moment about what to do, what to say. She considered lying, but Vura deserved the truth. Finally, she opened her mouth. Then closed it again. What WAS she going to say? "All I know is that they were WHISPERING to each other. I don't know any counselor that I would that with in a public place where people can SEE," she said. She was still buying time to answer the main question. Because the truth was...she didn't know. Not really. Was it a thing? Was it just because he was new and it was fun? Was it because she was sociopathic?! She didn't know.
"Honestly, Vura? I don't know. I don't know WHAT I feel. Is it just because it's new and novel and I'll get bored with it-him-in a week? Is it something else? I don't know. And even if I DID, what does it matter? He hates me-yes, I recognize my behavior played a part in that, even if he shares his own part, too-and it's too late. Plus, if he DOES have a girlfriend, which I doubt, then that complicates things further. If I am this mixed up about strange Romulans, think about how I will be on the day in, day out!" She let out the breath she was holding. "And that is the truth. I don't...I don't recognize the things I am feeling. Righteous anger? I understand that. Grief? Yup, makes sense. Things that Cardassians aren't wired to feel? I don't know. I don't know how to tell if it's just a passing thing or something else. I know what everyone else says. But I don't know if I agree." She sat back, her blue eyes stormy with emotions for a moment, before regaining her composure. "You should try the Bajoran ale, it's really good," she said, desperately trying to close the hole to the vulnerability she felt. Damn it!! Why COULDN'T she be more Cardassian sometimes?! Being a war thirsty lizard was WAYYYY easier.
"That was much more honest, Paisley," Vura informed Paisley with a slightly relieved smile. "I can't tell you how you feel about Mr. Turner. I also cannot tell you whether he has a girlfriend or not but why do you doubt him? And how do you know what he feels? You're making assumptions, but his reactions are because of your actions. Change your actions and his reactions will likely change. The wonderful thing about this universe is that we're all connected in some way, shape, or form. You're an engineer. You know the Newtonian laws of physics, right? What is one of them? For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Perhaps you should think about that when you interact with Mr. Turner? It might help you. In the meantime, when we're back in my office, we could help you figure out what the softer feelings are and how to recognize them. Fair?"
"I don't know how to change my reaction. It just...happens. It's like...a warmth or something from my stomach and then...my brain just shuts down. I hate it. If it's SOMETHING, I don't want to feel it because it is TERRIBLE not having the control of my emotions that I am used to." She played with the napkin, looking everywhere else but at the Deltan. "It's better for me to simply not interact because of that. I feel like my throat is going to fall out of my butt, and...what do the humans say? Birds? Flapping around in your stomach and you want to vomit and scream. But I also..." She stopped, her eyes trained on the slight bubbles in her beer. "I also want to push him against a panel and have my way with him," she admitted. She felt like she was going to cry again. "I don't want to work on feeling this, Vura. I want it to go away. It is easier when I know what it is. With Lalia, and Kiruna? It's sexual, it's lust. That's it. It's not something nebulous. It has a beginning and an end. And as much as I say I hate the end, there's a beauty in knowing what is coming," and there it was...the damned tears again. She'd need to go to Medical and get some kind of hypospray about that. She flagged down the host. "Can I place my order, please? Can I have the lime soy chicken, please, with the Teriyaki orange pasta?" She looked to Vura. "What will you have?"
Vura knew Paisley was trying to switch the topic again. For the moment, she let it sit. After all, she never cared what she ate as long as it was a wonderful sensation that she got to experience. Without looking deeply at the menu, she randomly pointed to an item. "I'll have that." When the host started to ask a clarifying question, Vura waived it off and said, "Surprise me. I like to be adventurous."
She then grinned wildly at Paisley. "It is always fun trying something new, which leads us back to what we were discussing...." She grinned wider. "I could tell you what I suspect that feeling in your stomach is, but I would rather you figure it out on your own. And I'm pretty sure that it is not birds but butterflies, that you are referring to as the feeling. Besides, my guess is that it is not going to go anywhere." She leaned forward conspiratorially, "You do know that we Deltans are sensualists? We embrace all sorts of emotions and feelings. So, I somewhat envy what you are experiencing. Remember, you're Cajoran. Let your Bajoran side out more. It may be scary for awhile, but once you get the hang of it, you will be ever so glad that you did."
Paisley sighed. "It just feels like...bad. I was beaten when I acted too much like...her-my mom-until I figured out to just bury that. As I grew up and felt safer, every time I would try to be more carefree, it led to more hurt-not physical, of course, but...so I've learned to be something else entirely. Who they want me to be. Not too Cardassian. Not Bajoran. But not ME, either. ME is wrong, me is bad. "ME" is the bastard child of Legate Yeicet F'Rar, look, there she goes, pretty enough, but not quite GOOD enough to fit in anywhere." She shook her head. "Everyone is free on Cardassia" is true. IF you're not a mixed race child who doesn't look Cardassian enough, nor Bajoran enough, nor quite Human enough." She was quite a moment. "What do I do?"
"With regard to what?" Vura asked, as the question could be taken in several different interpretations. Clarity was always best when dealing with someone who was in an emotional exploration.
She shrugged. "Everything," she sighed. "Sorry. That's a bad thing for a meal. Can you help me make a plan right now to deal with...the Turner thing? I'd like to put it to rest before we undock," she said. "An apology, I mean." She clarified. Anything else would need to come later. Or never. Or whatever. She had considered for a brief moment getting just drunk enough to turn up at his quarters half-dressed with a bottle of something strong and seeing what happened, but...that wasn't really HER. She didn't do things like that-even when she was being her authentic self, it rang a hollow, trite thing, and she wasn't TRITE. "Is the food taking forever or am I just...trying to bluff?!" She asked, sincerely. Her brain wasn't functioning. What was HAPPENING?!
Sympathetically, Vura's voice softened and she leaned in towards Paisley. "We undock tomorrow, Paisley. I do not think that this is going to be a quick solution. And even so, what do you want to apologize for? That you may have feelings for him or something else? Think of this like an engineering problem. You have to know what you want to solve before you can create a plan of attack or else you may cause more problems unintentionally."
A Joint Post By
Lieutenant Vura
Chief Counselor, USS Pioneer
Ensign Paisley F'rar
Damage Control Specialist, USS Pioneer
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